I love Peter's experience of walking on the roaring sea with Jesus. But the thing is, Peter's story is often misunderstood. Do you have a step you need to take?
Listen to this message I gave at a women's retreat to gain the fresh perspective you need to see Jesus in a new way! My FREE gift to you!
As early as I can remember, God has used a pen and paper to speak to me and through me. Beginning in elementary school before I can say that I really knew Him, I would find myself trapped by feelings and finding release through writing.
My pen just moved.
I could breathe easier.
Even though I knew there was much more to God than what I could see, I always felt like in the end, He would rescue me somehow (little did I realize He was already at work).
I found a few of my old poems this week. Back in the ’90s, I discovered that God put various songs in my heart. All I did was write them down. Some are poems. Others had a little tune. All stayed tucked away in little notebooks because, in the lines of poetry, I just let my feelings wrestle with Truth. These writings were so deeply personal, yet literally took me minutes to compose. I am amazed finding these words today, over 15 years later, as they shine such a light to what God was doing back then.
Here is a poem penned in 2002. I don’t remember the exact issue going on at the time, but I was wrestling with what God really wanted to do with my life.
Calm My Heart
Why is my heart not in peace?
Why is my spirit down?
Lord, I put my trust in You,
Come quickly, hold me now.
Oh I feel Your presence,
Your love is so very pure,
My cup is overflowing,
Your Spirit is with me I’m sure.
I always want to be so strong,
But Lord, I am so hungry and weak,
I am nothing without You,
I lay here broken at Your feet.
Yet your tears of mercy still come,
Why do You love me so?
What have I done to please You?
I am still yet Your love continues to flow!
Stop these mercies falling on me Lord!
I don’t deserve Your love,
Lord, how can you care so much?
You always rescue me from the flood.
I’m lost, but yet I say I’m found,
I once was blind but now I see?
No Lord, I still am blinded by Your sight,
I crave You, Your light is what I need!
Your love is so amazing,
I still can’t comprehend its limit,
I continue to fall constantly,
But Your grasp on me never flinches.
You have rescued me,
Though Lord, I truly knew You not,
You are healing my deepest wounds,
My sins You instantly forgot.
Though You know my heart remains hard,
There are still fears I protect,
Lord forgive me, I should trust in You,
You are the Healer, You are perfect.
Take down my guard and let me see,
You should be my life and my all,
The tear that You cried was for me,
And yet I still blame You when I fall.
You love me, I want to learn to love You,
You love me, I am struck in awe,
You love me, I stand firm on Your foundation,
You love me, my heart is now calm.
After writing these words under a glowing cross as the moonlight beamed through the college campus prayer room window, I fell asleep. Not just a short nap. No. This was a new kind of rest for my exhausted body and tired soul. This poem means so much to me because it marks the beginning of my journey to discovering (and frankly even wanting) rest in Christ.
This poem also reminds me of the struggle I felt to completely allow myself to be wanted and loved by God. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough. I kept asking God what I could do to really experience His love.
One of the biggest struggles I have continually battled in my life is the war of shame.
Guilt is not shame.
Guilt says I did something bad. It’s a healthy stirring of the Spirit calling us to repentance and forgiveness.
Shame says that I am bad (I take on a label). It doesn’t lead us to repentance but takes us to a low view of our worth and we lose sight of our identity in Christ.
So many strongholds are these messed-up shame labels taken on at a young age. It comes out in our speech, our writing and our actions towards others.
Reading through past journal entries can really help us better understand our journey with God.
Can you imagine how confirming it was for me to discover that shame was a core issue for enneagram 4s like myself? It made so much sense and I began to see my decisions, reactions, and relationships in an entirely new way – a relieving way.
I’ve absolutely loved walking so many of you through the enneagram and praying with you as you discover how God has wired you His purpose! If you are interested in learning more about the Enneagram, purchase a coaching session here!
Hello and welcome to Step Out And Thrive Ministries! My name is Bethany Boring and I am proud to be called a child of God before any other title or role. I am a mom to 3 amazing boys. I enjoy writing for this Step Out And Thrive community and walking with you as we venture through the ups and downs of life together. I am an ICF trained Certified Professional Christian Life Coach (Christian Coach Institute Graduate), Motivational and Inspirational Speaker, mentor, Certified Human Behavioral Consultant (DISC Personality) and an author. As always - dare to do more than just survive, step out and thrive!